shhh...do you hear that?

Do you hear that? 

tick...tick...tick...

I do.

tick...tick...tick...

Seems it's all I hear lately.

tick, tick, tock....tick, tick, tock.

I blame my brother. 

tick, tick, tock. 

I'm trying to ignore it. 
My head is ignoring it. 

But my heart...my heart hears it.

tick, tick, tock. 

My baby is starting school in September. His orientation is tomorrow.  He is more than ready.  Academically he has been ready for a long time, and now he's emotionally ready too.  Which is a big deal.  I am thrilled for him. His time has come and he is ready.  He is going to thrive.  flourish.  grow.  shine. 

And for me...finally...freedom.  6 hours every Friday to myself, guilt free.  No more scheduling around the sacred nap time hours.  More playdates.  birthday parties.  Big kid fun.  Before and after school care  instead of full day daycare. 

And yet, I still hear it...

tick, tick, tock.  tick, tick, tock. 

My heart is convincing:  "Cassie".  "Brodie".  "Taylor"  "Thomas".   Those first fluttery kicks.  Breastfeeding.  Rocking.  Sleeping baby on my chest.   Belly laughs.  Makenna as a real help.  Jack as a big brother. Bigger family. 

My head scoffs:  Nausea. Labour.  Sleep Deprivation.  No room.  Cost of daycare. Starting over.  Going backwards.  Too much space between them.  Jack as a middle child.  The cost of extracurriculars and post secondary education.

The reality is I cannot accomplish such a feat alone.  And that's a good thing.  Because the other half of this equation isn't hearing any such ticking or tocking. And if he did, I think he would throw the whole clock into the lake. That's okay.  My head knows this.  It means this is a done deal.  There won't be any more and that's okay.  My baby is starting school, we are leaving the early years behind and are moving on to the Big Kid Years. 

We are blessed, so very blessed with the two healthy, happy, well adjusted children we have. We can now go on family vacations without worrying about diapers, bottles, playpens, strollers, naptimes, big carseats and who stays behind with the baby while the other goes on the ride with the "Big Kid".   We have traded those days for days filled with bicycles, baseball bats and soccer balls.  Construction paper, gluesticks and board games.  Out with the Little Swimmers, in with the lifejackets.  Out with the sippy cups, in with the juice boxes.  Mum Mums to Mike and Ikes. 
But there will always be "You are my Sunshine"

We are equal in ratio; 2 adults:2 kids. 

Once my brother and his wife have their baby in November (ish),  I will have all the snuggles and overnights I need while still maintaining a well rested and stroller free lifestyle. 

And maybe then it will stop?

tick, tick, tock.  tick, tick, tock.

Perhaps I should get a dog.