When I was in elementary school, I had a friend that, from about grade 6 on, was my “BFF”. We wrote this on the back of our school pictures that we gave to each other every year. We were constantly passing notes in class. We were always at each other’s houses, watching Muchmusic, reading teen magazines, arguing over which member of New Kids on the Block was cuter, talking about boys, and commiserating with each other about how annoying our younger brothers were. She called my house almost every morning at 8am, like clockwork, even though we would see each other at school 45 minutes later. And we were usually on the phone again by 4:30, rehashing the drama of our public school lives. My parents knew her well, her parents knew me well. There was a lot discussed, and a lot, even back then, that went unsaid, because we just *knew*.
We went to different high schools and stayed in touch for awhile. She came to my 16th birthday party that my then boyfriend threw for me. We stayed connected by playing on the same fastball team in our young teen years, but as we neared our high school graduations, we drifted apart. She left for college while I finished my fifth year of high school, and although I ended up in University in the same city she was attending College, we never hung out…too many years had come between us, we had different friends now, we had nothing really to talk about anymore…or so we thought.
Then came facebook.
We have found our friendship again, as we are both back in the area, both have kids and are able to see each other.
Now, as grown women, we again, talk regularly, visit regularly, and support each other.
We became friends almost 20 years ago, and after a few years’ hiatus, we have picked up where we left off. I can say things to her that I can’t say to very many other people, and she gets it. There I things I start to say, and she just *knows*. Because she has known me since I was 12 years old. I can save a lot of time when I talk to her, because the groundwork was laid a lifetime ago, and has stood the test of time. Different careers, cities, husbands, kids, lives…when I am talking to her, it feels like we are right back in my mom’s house at the table, or her mom’s house, sitting on her bed with the NKOTB bedspread. We still talk about boys, but what it is we say about them has changed. We still talk about our brothers, finding it hard to believe they are as old, and as successful, as they are. We talk amongst our kids, remembering when we were kids. Time seems to go by so quickly when we visit…I think we could fill an entire day, just her and I, no kids, no husbands, just talking.
We talk like we used to, with brutal honesty, but the subject matter has changed. We are learning what it’s like to be wives, mothers, and what it’s like to live where we do when we are adults. We remember each other’s parents, and the roles they played in our lives…and realize that now they are just adults like us…adults that make mistakes, that are human, that don’t have all the answers… just regular adults… that are no longer the all knowing pillars they were when we were little.
Today, I was reflecting on our friendship from when we were younger…she the fashionista, me the booklover…she dreaming of a glamourous life, me building forts and playing baseball in the backyard…she reading teen magazines, me reading “Sweet Valley High”…and yet, we *knew* each other. We could count on each other. We really understood each other, and what was going on in each others lives.
Not just the silly teen drama stuff...but the big stuff too. Like the death of a sibling. Like Family Breakup. We were there for eachother.
And I wondered…how did we get here? Wasn’t all of that just yesterday? When did we become Wives? Mothers? When did we develop real problems? Real fears? Real insecurities? When did that happen? Back in those preteen girl drama filled days, we didn’t have a clue what adult life was really like, we just knew we couldn’t wait to get there. And now that we’re here, reality has set in. Sometimes being an adult isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes being a wife and a mother is HARD. Sometimes, when you are a grown up, with grown up responsibilities, choices, worries and fears, life can be tough. And today I thought, how is it, through all of what life has thrown at us so far, after completely losing touch for years, we have found each other again? At a time when each of us have a lot going on, a lot to talk about…we have each other at the precise time in life when we need each other. Some days, she is the exact person I need to talk to…after all these years.
Huh. Who would've thought.
A true friend is someone who you can go a long time without talking to, and when you do, you can pick up right where you left off. I am so glad this friendship has stood the test of time. Because I need it. I have a few friends that I can say anything and everything to, that are very close to me, and I value them all so much, for different reasons. In this case, I need her to just *know* and to completely understand what I am saying and what I’m not saying. And she does, because the history is there, and it has been preserved. She can say things to me that no one else would think to say, because no one knows the details she does.
When I was younger, I felt like I didn’t know what I would do without her as a friend.
Today, years later, and after years of not talking at all, I feel the same way again.
So to you, my friend, because I know you are reading this, I say thank you for being my friend, and I am so glad that you are back in my life.
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