"To the world you may be one person...but to one person you may be the world..."

About Me

I grew up in a village of 500 people and now live in a beach town of 10 000. Wife to Jeff, Mama to Makenna and Jack. This is my place to share what's up with us, and the place where I sometimes need to pour my heart out about the not so sunshiney moments. This is my happy place. Thanks for stopping by :) Copyright 2012 by Melissa Wormington, that no part of this blog may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, without permission from the publisher.
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The Wormingtons

The Wormingtons
Jeff, Makenna, Jack and Melissa. Spring 2012. Photo credit: Tricia Denomme/Hope Photography

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Number 9.

There are times when your marriage is tested.  Marriages have good years and bad years.  Sometimes you feel like you are giving more than you are receiving.  Sometimes you know you are receiving more than you are giving but you just can't help it. 

The first year of our marriage was marked by our honeymoon, and resulting pregnancy.  I had a fainting problem and spent most of the pregnancy off work.  Makenna was born one month after our first anniversary. 
1 month to the day before Makenna was born
The second year, not long after Makenna's birth I said goodbye to my brother who moved out west.  Thankfully he came back a few months later.  In our marriage we worked to adjust to the demands of parenthood.  Jeff joined the Goderich Fire Department, which was an adjustment for both of us, and I started a job in the Ivey Dining Room at Benmiller Inn. Jeff was forced to parent on his own almost every single weekend throughout that year, which really cemented his relationship with his little girl.

We bought our first house, the one on Park Street, in the third year of our marriage and I started the job I still have. 
January 18 2008
The fourth year brought about another pregnancy, and preparing our little girl for all that was about to change in her world.  Things were pretty good, we were humming along quite nicely. 

I have heard that the toddler and teenage years are hard on marriages.  We came out of the toddler years a bit worse for wear, a bit sleep deprived, but otherwise okay. The beginning of Jack's life did test our marriage of 5-6 years and our committment to one another...but we got through it and those who know him now don't believe it when we say he gave us a run for our money. 
June 6 2009
Our marriage was tested again a few years ago when my priority and focus was, very clearly, with my family of origin. As my 30th birthday approached and passed I spent countless hours worrying and feeling caught between my responsibilities as a mother and my duties as a daughter.  My role as a wife often fell to a distant third.  My husband was patient.  "Patient" isn't even the right word.  He was a saint as he waited for things to sort themselves out, for me to sort myself out.  He was my rock, my safe place, and what went on in our marriage set the stage for what was yet to come.  It was a stressful time for many and I struggled, a lot,  but our young marriage of 6-7 years remained in tact.

Just as things started to somewhat settle down, it was a couple weeks after we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary when a tornado literally plowed right through our lives. 
Our house being demolished.  November 2011. 

This past year, our marriage of 8 years was tested again, this time on a much more public stage. 

From Day 1, August 21, I knew that he was doing what he needed to do, that he would always do what he needed to do, and that nothing on this Earth was more important to him than his family.  In this past year of our marriage I saw sides of him I rarely saw, on a regular basis.  I saw him grow and change and stand up for what he believes in.  I was there as he learned some hard, painful lessons throughout this year, as he struggled and as he grew more confident, and I knew that at the end of every single day, we were on the same side.  We were a team, a unit.

I learned, right from Day 1, that I could not do this without him.  That he truly is my other half.  That when I struggled, he would fake his way through making me believe everything was going to turn out okay.  That when I couldn't do it anymore, he could. That when I was gripped by anxiety and fear, he could convince me to keep going.  That while he needed me to get things done, I also needed him to get other things done. And that we could rely on eachother's strengths and compensate for eachother's weaknesses.  I learned that when his wife or his family was attacked, he would stand up and defend.  That we truly do compliment eachother.  Where I was weak, he was strong.

And vice versa. 
I learned how patient we both could be with eachother.

I already knew all of this from our previous years together, but this year what I learned, is that when crisis, real crisis, falls upon our family, if we stick together, are honest with eachother and give our marriage the attention it needs, it will stay strong. 

Fall 2009
Other people's situations were worse...other marriages faced bigger hurdles than ours did as a result of the same 12 second event...but the scope of this blogpost is about our situation, our story. 

Our marriage was tested, our commitment to our marriage was tested, all four of us struggled as we soldiered through this ninth year. 

Fall 2009
 I think this was the hardest year our family of 4 has faced to date.  But I don't think it was the worst year for our marriage...I think there have been harder ones.  I think, ironically, perhaps this was the best year for our marriage.  Because we came out knowing, more than we have ever known before, that we are each with the right person, that we need eachother, compliment eachother, balance eachother and love eachother. We really learned a lot about eachother this year.

Never before in a one week period did we come so close to losing him, really truly losing him, more than once.  He willingly entered buildings threatening to crumble, he was stationed in  neighbourhoods with multiple natural gas leaks long after the rest of us were evacuated and he was in a very terse situation for over 8 hours down at Sifto. Any of these situations could have turned catastophic at any moment.  Anything, anything could have happened on so many different occasions that week.
It puts things into perspective.  Changes in your mind what "really matters".  Makes you think about where your life is going and how you want to live it. 
Spring 2012
Our marriage isn't perfect, far from it. It's always a work in progress. But I try not to complain about it, or my husband.  There is another woman in our community who, at the end of the day on August 21, didnt have that option anymore.  She would give anything to have her husband back.  But he died doing his job on what was supposed to be an ordinary Sunday. 

I thank God my husband didn't. 

This past year, more than any other, has shown me how much I need him, how much I depend on him and how much I love him, for all that he is and for how far he has come.  And above all else, I don't just "need" him to be there, I want him to be there. 

I believe my marriage was solidified over the past year and for that, I am both proud and grateful.

August 2 2003
Today is our anniversary.  Nine years ago today we stood in my childhood church surrounded by friends and family as we recited the vows we wrote ourselves. We couldn't have predicted what was to come, but we vowed to face it together. 

Here we are, about to start our tenth year together, the two of us not the same people they were in that church on that day, with still so much to face and figure out as the years go on.  I don't know what's to come, I don't want to know, I can only hope that we can continue to handle it, together. 

"To the world you may be one person...but to one person you may be the world"
Sept 10 2011

"Always, Forever, and No Matter What". 


frannie_d said...

That's the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time! We live on St. David Street and I've been following your blog. You have a wonderful way with words and should write a book. You put into words with such eloquence and clarity what so many of us went through on August 21st last year.
Wishing you a very Happy Anniversary and many, many more years of togetherness.
Fran Doak