We humans, especially women, seem to have a hard time hearing good things about ourselves, coming up with good things about ourselves, and believeing postive comments others make about ourselves. People compliment us and we minimize it, or blow it off, or point out something negative about ourselves. Instead of simply beaming and saying "Thanks!"
If I asked you to share with me 5 of your best qualities, would that be hard for you?
Now, give me just one thing you DON'T like about yourself. Easy right? Why is that? Why aren't we programmed to focus on the good, instead of the bad?
Sharing negative things about ourselves is one thing, but what about when you hear a negative comment about yourself, from someone else?
why is it that you can recieve 10 compliments in a day, but if you receive a negative comment in there too, THAT'S the one you focus on? That's the one that you can't get out of your head, the one you replay over and over again and the one that has you second guessing everything.
I don't mean "constructive criticism", I mean a truly negative comment. For whatever reason.
I know you know what I'm talking about.
If someone makes a negative comment to us, or, worse, behind our backs that we later find out about...why does that "get " to us so much? Even though we know it isn't true, or it doesn't matter, or whatever...it still makes us pause, still makes us think that
Even though we may have received 10 different positive comments on the very same topic, or in the very same day. That one negative one is the one we focus on. The one that breeds self doubt.
People are entitled to their opinions, sure. And if it is actually a legitimate comment, then fine. But why does it "get" to us so much? Why do other people's thoughts or opinions matter so much?
I have found that these negative comments, whether warranted or not, can be a good thing. Once I get past the initial defensiveness, or hurt, it spurs me on to do better, to be better, to prove them wrong. Whether it's professional or personal, I'll never please everyone. What other people think, and why they think it, is completely out of my control. Usually it has a whole lot more to do with what is (or is not) going on with them, then what is or isn't going on with me. All I need to do is be true to myself. As long as I am happy with the way it happened, or with what was said or done...as long as I can look myself in the mirror at the end of the day - that's all that really matters.
One negative comment, amongst a slew of positives, can cast a shadow over your whole day, even your week. This week, among a slew of positives, there were a couple negatives for me. I have focused more on those than the positives, even though the positives outnumbered the negatives. Maybe because I don't think the comments were justified, maybe because of their sources, maybe because I have a hard time hearing negative things about myself from other people. From myself - fine. But from others? That's tougher.
But you know what? It's motivating. It pushes me to be better, to do better...to "show them". And so, the negative BECOMES a positive. It's the push. And, I like to be pushed. I like to be challenged to do better. In his speech at my wedding, my dad said that when I tackle something, I have always done it "full force, nothing held back". I am stubborn. When pushed, it becomes personal to me and I NEED to prove myself. Because when I do better, I become better.
So, even though it's hard, embrace those negative comments, and strive to prove them wrong. In doing so, if nothing else, you will prove to yourself that you can be even better. People will notice and you never know what pushing yourself to be better, will bring your way.
...More on that last sentence, very soon...stay tuned!...
- I grew up in a village of 500 people and now live in a beach town of 10 000. Wife to Jeff, Mama to Makenna and Jack. This is my place to share what's up with us, and the place where I sometimes need to pour my heart out about the not so sunshiney moments. This is my happy place. Thanks for stopping by :) Copyright 2012 by Melissa Wormington, that no part of this blog may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, without permission from the publisher.