Dear Jeff...

Dear Jeff,

Where do I begin? There are so many things to say, but how?

We've been together almost 9 years. So much has happened over that time. Sometimes I don't even really remember life, "pre jeff". Never in a million years did I think I'd end up with someone like you. Never in a million years would I have been happy if I didn't.

When we first met and got together we were both young and thought we had the world by its ass. We thought we knew everything, we thought we had all the time in the world, we thought we could do anything. And turns out, we can - together.

Fast forward to today and we've been married almost 5 years and we have 2 kids. Who would have ever thought? Oh, that's right, you would have. You knew all along that we would get married and have kids. You couldn't wait.

And here we are. Life is pretty good. And you truly have become my life partner, my soulmate. They say that you fall in love with a man all over again, in a different way, once you see him as a parent, with your children. I remember that with Makenna, and I'm being reminded of it again now. You can measure a man in many ways - by success, by wealth, by appearance, by popularity - but I find the best measure of a man is to watch him with his family.

Watch him with his wife - when she tells you she's going to have your baby - watch his eyes as they light up, and then tear up. And then over the next few months watch him as he shows infinite patience with her complaints, her aches and pains, her hormonal ups and downs. Watch him as he holds her hair back as she is sick for the umpteenth time...and tries REALLY hard not to complain, because after all, it's all for your baby. Watch him as she tells him it's time, and see the fear, and the excitement in his eyes. Watch it turn to just fear as contractions intensify the time is nearing. He never leaves her side, there for her 100% - trying to put on a brave face, but shaking on the inside - he feels so helpless and wishes there was something he could do. He tells her he wishes he could do it for her, and she knows he would if he could. Finally, the fear turns to pure joy as his daughter is born. In an instant this man is wrapped around a tiny newborn finger, and will never be the same.

Watch him with his daughter. Seeing the world through her eyes and rediscovering all of life's little pleasures. He is so incredibly gentle and tender as he holds her, rocks her, soothes her, and then typically boisterous as he plays with her. Such opposite ends of the spectrum of behaviour, all within the same man - and he can turn them on and off instantly. You've never seen him in this light before - it really is a whole new side of him, and you're so lucky that he has it.

Then, the cycle repeats. Another pregnancy, another baby - this time a boy. You'll never forget the look in eyes the moment his children enter the world. What a moment to remember. Such excitement, exhilaration. And you feel so proud. So happy for HIM. And again you see him with a baby, so soft and gentle, so soothing. And now at the same time you see him as he tries to help your daughter adjust to this new addition. He says and does all the right things and you wonder how he knows. How does he know to do that? Where does he find it within himself?

And then back to his wife, as she is adjusting to her new life, trying to find her way as a mother of two. The hormones are up and down again, and there are lots of tears. she tries to come to terms with her new body, the lack of sleep, the complete dependance the new baby has on her, and the guilt she feels about her changed relationship with her daughter. He takes it all in, day by day and again, feels helpless at her tears, but knows she will adjust. He has more faith in her than she does in herself. He holds her, rocks her, soothes her. He does everything. And he does it right.

There is so much more to learn, so much more to gain, by watching a man with his family. On the outside you are "just another guy" - a typical guy, in a typical town with a typical job and family life. But truly, if they could see you like I do, if they could see into your heart like I do, if they knew what I know, they'd be writing about you too.

Never back then when we were dreaming big and making plans did I know it would turn out this way. Never did I know that this "simple guy" would be such a gift to me. Where would I be without you? What would I do? I know I cannot do this alone, I know you truly are my other half. I am so grateful you chose me back then, and that you were so persistant. I am so glad I listened to my heart, and not my head back then. How did you know life would turn out this way? How do you know I can do this? Why did you choose me?

For all you are, for all you do, day in and day out, if I seem ungrateful - this is for you. I see you for who you are. I know.

And thank you.
xoxo.

Jack's Birth Story

My due date was Friday, Feb. 8. I was also due on a Friday with Makenna, and with her, on her due date, labour began. It didn't end until 2 days later but it began on it's scheduled date. This time, the date circled on the calendar came...and went. Without so much as a twinge.
The next day, I did have twinges. Very faint, manageable ones. I was able to do everything I regularly do, and no one knew the wiser. My brother in law and neices were here for supper and they didn't suspect a thing. At the time, I suspected they were braxton hicks. I told Jeff about them around 9pm. I then decided to call our midwife, just to give her a heads up. She suspected they were braxton hicks as well.
We went to bed and they continued. After 2:30 am they were strong enough that I couldn't sleep through them anymore, but they were more just annoying then anything else. Not painful.
Around 9am they suddenly stopped. This was bitter sweet for me. Bitter because I had barely slept and now it seemed it was all for nothing and I'd have to go through all of that again. But sweet because the weather that day (Sunday) was awful. Most roads were closed and the radio kept warning that the roads were "treacherous". everyone was advised to stay at home.
At 11am we were walking out the door on our way to Walmart and they suddenly returned. They were stronger then they had been and I began to wonder what was going on.
This time they didn't stop. I called the midwife around 1 and she said to monitor them for a couple hours and then call her back if there was any change.
I spent the next couple hours in bed. I felt a lot of pain in my lower back, which was different than what I remember with Makenna. Around 1:30 I lost my mucus plug, which can happen anywhere between hours and days before birth.
Luckily, Makenna missed most of this. She was in her room having "quiet time" for awhile, and then she went down to watch a movie and ended up asleep on the recliner. By around 3:00pm I had called our babysitter and arranged to have Makenna spend the night there. The pains still weren't "awful", but they couldn't be ignored either. I called my mom to complain that this had better be real, and that I had forgotten about this part..."This is going to suck" I told her. But i still wasn't sure if it was the real thing or not.
An hour or so later, around 4pm, I went downstairs to see where Jeff had gotten to (he hadn't been up to check on me for awhile) and then I started to cry. I said I wanted to call the midwife again. We went back upstairs and I called her and told her they were really starting to hurt. In the middle of one contraction I had to give the phone to Jeff. Susan (midwife) heard me throught he contraction and told Jeff it was time to go to the hospital, which is 15 mins away in good weather.

Right. The weather.

Jeff had called his mom earlier to say there "may be a baby today", and she freaked out a bit, about the weather - saying we couldn't have this baby today, we had best just stay at home!

We woke Makenna up to take her to Jodi's which caught her completely off guard. Poor thing, she was so upset, had no idea why she was going, didn't want to go, etc. Jeff just told her mommy had to go see the doctor. Once she got to Jodi's she was fine, bribed by the promise of McDonalds. :)
We took deep breaths as we passed Walmart and headed out on highway 8 towards Clinton - the highway notorious for being awful in the winter. Luckily it was actually open, and despite all the warnings our drive there was absolutely fine. We got there in usual time. I was still in a bit of denial, and afraid I'd be sent home again, because the contractions were still 7-10 mins apart - they usually want you to wait until they are 3-4 mins apart.
On the 15 min. drive there I had 3 contractions and in the parking lot I had 2 or 3 on the way in to the hospital. On the way up to OB I had a few more. They were now a lot closer together. I conveyed my worry to the nurse about being sent home and she smiled at me and assured me I wasn't going anywhere. It was just after 5pm.
Susan got there about 5 mins after we did and checked me...7 cm. 7 cm!!!!! That's over halfway there! I was so relieved. With Makenna I was in worse pain and sent home at 4 cm. 7 cm!! I was happy.
The room had a whirlpool tub, where I spent the next hour or 2. What an amazing thing that is. I need one for my bathroom. It REALLY helped with the contractions. Jeff went out to call our parents to tell them baby was on the way. They were all just relieved we had made it to the hospital. There came a point where the tub wore out its welcome and wasn't helping anymore. I was checked again and was at 8-9 cm. Pushing begins at 10 cm.
From now on I laboured on the bed, on my hands and knees and with a great big exercise ball. This was not a fun time. The midwife and her team were awesome, applying pressure in all the right places, and taking a lot of pressure off Jeff so he didn't have to support me all himself. Everyone kept assuring me everything was progressing normally and I was doing fine. I wasn't so sure, and was vocal about that. I kept asking to push, and told it wasn't time. i wasn't happy about this. Eventually I started taking the gas. This is also something I need in my home. What a godsend that is.
Finally I was able to push. Also not my finest hour. Of course Jeff said I did wonderfully and all that, but still. Not having an epidural and pushing out a baby is not my finest hour.
It took 2 hours of pushing for Makenna to be born. This time it took 20 mins and 4 contractions. I am writing this 2 weeks later and already the memories of that are dimming. I know it hurt. I remember the "ring of fire"...but it's dim.
Finally the baby came out ( what a relief!!!!!) and the midwife said to Jeff "well, what do we have?"....
Jeff looked....and looked some more. This felt like forever. Then he said "It's a boy!" He was so excited. Of course he was crying. My memory is a bit hazy, but I loved the look on his face. Pure joy. Pure happiness.

A boy. I knew it!!! But really? a boy? Are you sure?
Yep, no question. A boy. We have a son. They laid him on my chest and Jeff cut the cord. We announced his name to be Jack Jeffrey. Jack, after my late grandpa. Everyone was going be so thrilled!
The next little while involved delivering the placenta and getting me all taken care of. They kept going on about what a "big boy" he was...I wondering just how big. He weighed 8 lbs, 1 oz. Not all that big. 3 oz heavier than what Makenna had been, and 20.5 ", the same length.
A boy! We couldn't wait to tell everyone. i was actually able to call my mom from the hospital room. I was so glad that i was the one who got to do that. She was very excited to hear from me, and to hear that it was a boy. Then I called Jodi, to tell her to tell Makenna she had a little brother. It was just after 10pm. He was born at 9:36. Makenna was sleeping. Jodi couldn't believe it was over that quick, or that I was calling her. But, she was quite excited.

Then Jack and I had an herbal bath (standard practice with midwives). He loved it and was so calm, we couldn't believe it. Jeff went out to call his parents, and Adam and Heather. All, of course. who were thrilled with the news. Neither Adam or Heather even knew I was in labour so they were both quite surprised.

We spent the night at the hospital, the weather was still pretty nasty. All roads were closed. We had a baby in the worst snowstorm of the year so far, and he was perfect. All was perfect. I barely slept that night, even though Jack slept a good 5 hrs straight. I was so wound up, so excited, had so many thoughts racing through my mind.

A boy. And he's fine. The first Wormington boy. Jeff's dad and grandpa must be so excited. We have no boy clothes. Where will we put all the toys he'll get?

A boy. We have a little girl and a little boy. And my husband, the best labour partner in the world, the best life partner in the worls, has a son. I gave him a son. He gave me a son.

Thank you so much God.
Life is good.