tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5992875166778518649.post8856000050828213797..comments2022-03-27T21:54:27.351-04:00Comments on The Story of Us: January 1: The old and the newMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11709655118672656363noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5992875166778518649.post-82970141550301368762013-01-05T15:27:24.335-05:002013-01-05T15:27:24.335-05:00Hey there friend! I promise myself and you that I...Hey there friend! I promise myself and you that I will spend a bunch of time catching up on your blog...so seriously behind. <br />I just felt I must write something here today because, not because of what was written for this entry necessarily, but because of your reference to the entry about trash talking. Wanna guess why??? I am sure you are not surprised to learn that I can relate to this. <br />I found, well find actually, that people seem attracted to tragedy and crisis and want to be involved in your story when it suits them...when it attracts them. I had tons of these people in my life when we lost Cole and I spent all that time in the hospital. They would comment on my caring bridge page, email me, post encouraging messages on my wall, visit, send me things etc. It was great, I felt so supported. <br />But in the weeks and months (and years) after the crisis was over I found that they no longer commented, called, visited, sent emails etc. And that was hard but ok. But in the months and years afterwards, in the coping with grief time, in the finding myself time (which I am still doing) they would either say nothing when I would be express my sadness, confusion, anger or even bittersweet joy or they would feel they had the need to remind me that I was so blessed to have my surviving son, blessed to have all that I did have. Did I ever say I didn't feel blessed? Did I ever say I didn't feel for those who couldn't have children at all? Did I ever say to those with two or more kids who would say 'well atleast you still have one' what I felt in my heart... 'would you feel the same if oldest died and I said to you 'atleast you still have your youngest'?'<br />People said stupid things 'she's needs to get on with her life', 'she needs to stop making this about her', 'she's not the only one who ever lost a child', 'I wish she'd stop living in the past'...wow, there are so many that I heard that people didn't know I heard.<br />While I respect that people think they are being well intended, while I understand that people don't understand, while I appreciate that they think they are being helpful....sometimes I wanted (ok for some it is still want cuz this crap still happens) to say 'didn't you learn that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'? <br />Your journey has given you the courage to do things you never dreamed you would. My journey has done the same for me. Would either of us preferred to not have had this pain in order to take this journey..for sure. Would either of us have chosen not to take this journey and all the amazing things that have happened because of it, if given the choice? I don't think so, not me anyway. I don't LOVE everything about my journey and I wish my son was still here... I wish your house was still here and your town was still the same... but I am so very grateful for all the amazing people we both have met because of the fall out of crisis. I am delighted in the amazing things that you have experienced, the things you have been able to do and the experiences you have had. I am amazed in the growth my own life has had. <br />So to those who feel the need to talk about something they know only what THEY know about I say 'walk a mile in my shoes, a lifetime in my head and eternity in my heart and then we can talk about what is and isn't right, fair, proper, acceptable, ethical, blah, blah, blah. Until then, shut the.... yeah, never mind. <br />Love you my friend!!! Sorry for this ridiculous long comment... I was just in the mood to write LOLJodie Tummershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03618800847238312107noreply@blogger.com